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Blonde Cookbook
Hard of Hearing
Pirate Joke
I have a speling cheker
Blonde Cookbook
Submitted by a blonde
Monday: It's fun to cook for Steve. Today I made angel food cake. The
recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to
loan me the extra bowls.
Tuesday: He wanted fruit salad for
supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.
What a surprise when he brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: A good day for rice. The
recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of
silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice
any.
Thursday: Today he asked for salad
again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a
bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Steve asked me why I
was rolling around in the garden...I showed him the recipe
instructions.
Friday: I found an easy recipe for
cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it...
There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back,
everything was the same as when I left.
Saturday: He did the shopping today
and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I
don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason he keeps
counting to ten.
Sunday: I wanted to serve roast but
all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius... I put the
hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out
hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a
very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try
out a new recipe. If I can talk him into buying a bigger oven, I would
like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
Hard of Hearing
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."
Pirate Joke
Once there was a retired pirate so he decides to live with his brother.
The pirate walks up to his brothers house and knocks on the door and
his brother answers the door and says, "Oh my gosh, what happened to
your hand?"
The pirate said, "I lost it in a sword fight, but now I have a hook."
Then the brother said, "What about your leg?"
The pirate said, "A cannonball hit it, but now I have a peg leg."
Then the brother said, "Well, what about your eye?"
The pirate said, "I got some dust in
it." The brother said, "How could you lose your eye by just getting
some dust in it?" Then the pirate said, "It was my first day with my
hook!
I have a speling cheker
I have a speling cheker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my
revue Miss steaks aye can knot see. Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no. Its very polished in its weigh, My
checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps
me right awl stiles too reed, And aides me when aye rime. Each frays
comes posed up on my screen Eye trussed too be a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule Bee fore
a veiling checkers Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're laks oar
have a laps, We wood bee maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, There
are know faults with in my cite, Of nun I am a wear. Now spelling does
not phase me, It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped words fare as hear. To rite
with care is quite a feet Of witch won should be proud, And wee mussed
dew the best wee can, Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays Such soft wear four pea seas, Any why eye brake in two averse By righting want too please.
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